Monday Blues

Feel the need to scream and cry. Worse than ever now.

Abi met her ex Liam last night for the first time in quite a while in order to discuss the fact that they're over or so I am lead to believe.

"I'll meet him for an hour and half then I'll come meet you"

that was 7 hours ago and she is still with him. Why isn't she picking up her phone and why isn't she reading my messages? She reads them and replies with "simone said you're a manslag" what?

What the fucks going on?

I'm on my own in my freezing cold car crying, looking out over Chasewater, I can see a group of lads having a bonfire and drinking in the distance. Why can't I be normal like them, why am I always alone in this. I can't even keep hold of the girl who could potentially fix whatevers wrong with me and lead me to attempt a normal life.

This blog is the only other outlet I have.

---- UPDATE ------

She finally got back to me and confirmed that Im the one she wants yet shes drunk and has been with him now for what, 7/8 hours? enough time to fuck.

I don't know what to believe anymore. The temptation to drive my car into the lake, lock my doors and fuck everything is way too tempting.

------ UPDATE ------

I feel much better now and I can safely say the above feelings were a huge low and a massive bout of paranoia however! things are on the up, Abi & I are okay, we sorted things and it turns out I am just one paranoid bastard.

It scares me however that one huge bout of this paranoia could throw her away when that's the last thing I want.

Abi, Abi, Abi, Abi, Work, Work, Abi, Abi, Abi, Abi, Sex, Abi - my thoughts today lol