SUNDAY 6:10am
Sunday morning, I'm sitting here awake in the Old Lion Hotel or something in Atherstone near Tamworth.
A treat from my beautiful other half for us to get away from everything but instead has turned into me sniffing for the past 12 hours. I'm still wide awake and yet all I can do is sit here now looking over this beautiful girl as she sleeps (freak? fuck off!) but I just truly wish she knew how I felt about her. I'm so so so scared, I'm genuinely frightened so much so that I get short of breath and clench my tightening chest because I fear and envisage her departure from my worn out and useless existence.
I'm crying now, tears rolling down my face as she moves slightly and breathes heavily, lost in another world far away from the emotional carcass that I have become only 3 yards away.
Why do I get myself so down and what would she say if she woke up and saw me like this.
Don't say drugs are bad because they're meant to push you high not bring out feelings. Joy of bipolar, Mcat is now hit or miss.
I keep running to the toilet each time she stirs, I'll have to tell her I'm jacking off! Surely that's the man thing to do right?
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